A very personal post here... Just to warn you.
I can't believe it's August already.
I should be working on a paper right now, but that is connected with fits of frustration... so I suddenly felt the urge to clean my apartment, do the kitty-litter box and update my blog instead.
Time flies. But sometimes I'm glad it does. Time heals. More than half of this year's over, and I can already say it's been the most complicated of my life so far. I had to make a lot of difficult decisions, I got really hurt. But I've also been really happy at times. Lots of ups and downs. Very exhausting, I tell you. But it also tought me much about myself and the people around me. I realized some things had to change.
A while ago my boyfriend and me broke up after many years of relationship. He was my childhood friend, and first boyfriend. The circumstances are rather private. So to cut a long story short, things had gotten really tough between us, and yet it was really hard to make the choice to split up, because we still had feelings for each other. It went on like this for a while, and it just hurt more and more.
Now I know it was for the better to finally put some space between us and our cards on the table. Since the break-up we've been closer again than during all the months before. Despite the awful things that happened, I think we'll actually manage to just be best friends again, as we were before we became a couple.
After that program I took part in at Salzburg University, I had come to Vienna to live with him in the apartment we got there a year ago (before I knew they'd take me in Salzburg and that therefore I'd live there instead for a while.. complicated story). But shortly after my arrival in June the break-up happened.
So I felt like nothing's keeping me here any longer. That's why this month I'll be moving to Lund and do my Master's there. He'll keep the flat. And my cat, which breaks my heart. But I couldn't find a place in Lund to move in with a pet. Also the travelling would be horrible for her... :( At least I know he'll take good care of her, and that I'll see her again. I still have friends and family here, so I'll come visit sometimes.
Also, there's loooots of work to do. I have a fulltime job during summer, and I have some project work for Salzburg to complete the program.
Among lots of other smaller issues, because everything's always happening at once, these are the top three of what's draining my energy right now. -__-
Oh, and the moving..
I'm lucky to have a small, but loving and supportive family and a bunch of loyal friends. I'm so very grateful for that. Without them I would have broken down.
Apart from all this happening, I've still been doing art. It's funny how my last post here is about having a kind of art block. Shortly after I wrote that, I've been deep into a creative phase again. Just when things in my life started to get really tough. It was a way for me to deal with everything.
Sometimes I even sat at the piano or played the guitar a bit again. And I sang, and I danced, I took photos. I even wrote some really bad poems.
Of course I drew and painted. A lot actually.
Despite that creative boost, I didn't update this blog.. I uploaded some pictures to my Deviantart, and I also opened a Tumblr.
But the tougher things got, the more personal my art became. I made it for myself, to heal.
Here are some of my favourites of the earlier pictures I did share:
This really fits my situation right now. Moving boxes everywhere. I drew this while my friend jammed at the piano.
Some kind of self-portrait.
This is a fanart of the graphic novel "Beautiful Darkness", one of the best and most disturbing ones I've ever read.
Something I did for Illustration Friday.
I stopped uploading to Tumblr shortly after opening my account. I feel like it's just not communicative. Most people only reblog pictures from other peoples' accounts, instead of posting their own content. It's nice for picture browsing, but it doesn't really substitute a blog. It's so impersonal...
So I thought with moving somewhere else again, I could use this blog as a way of communicating more with my (art) friends from far away again. To keep them updated, as I don't really like Facebook either...
Either way, thanks to everyone who's still here reading! I really appreciate your interest and support. <3